I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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