That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
