my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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