i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
