I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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