Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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