Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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