i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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