dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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