The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
