he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
