I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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