It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
