She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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