just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Randomize
