I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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