drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
