i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
