I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
