I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
