You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
