I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
