Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
