I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
