OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
