Sry I called you an 8
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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