I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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