Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
