You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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