Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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