Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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