Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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