All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
