Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
