had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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