my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
