Can i not drive my cunt home
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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