I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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