i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
