pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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