I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
