Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
