don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am midnight drunk by noon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
