My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
