He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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