dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
