you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
