There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
