I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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