We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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