she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
