went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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