goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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