Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
