dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
