once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
