so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
