call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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