Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
