I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
