and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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