so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
