Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
