all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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