Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
