she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
