after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
