why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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