Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love you. Go after that dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
