How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
