Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
