Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
