So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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