I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
