Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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