Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're like the curious george of whores
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
