No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
