every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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