and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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