Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
