basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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