i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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