maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
