Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
