I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
