He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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