Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need moral support for this bender
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
